as a nonbinary person I shall only be posting my left titty which is my boy titty, and not the right one which is the horrid unclean girl titty, this is as tumblr has decreed
I’ve been working on this for months and the truth is I could continue to add to it forever but I want you all to enjoy it with me
transcript:
Griffin: [as Jenkins] A witch kissed me and cursed me so that anytime anybody yells a secret word, I have to attend to their every need, and that word is my fucking name, Jenkins. Justin: [snickering]
G: Are you naming your goddamn wizard Taako?
G: Oh- shit. Oh, god, oh, god, where’d it go, oh no, no, no!
G: If possible, I would love to- to avoid a shitting-based solution? Uh, A, because I don’t want to know what exists beyond the explicit tag in iTunes? [Justin laughs] I don’t- like, is there a fucking NC-17 rating? I don’t wanna- I don’t think I wanna be a part of that. But also- Justin: [crosstalk] Hey! G: I would also not like this scene to drag on out as long as- as a human being’s digestive cycle.
G: [background laughter] Fun show, fun show games!
G: And I think I just described a plant orgasm. And this has been Fifty Shades of Green [Clint laughs], starring four idiots.
G: So the end of that sentence that you cut off was- and I- so I won’t be able to put up with any shit today, but the problem is I already have? Now people will stop tweeting about me that I said one of Barry’s favorite things is swimming in a cold lake on a hot day, and then in two episodes later say he didn’t know how to swim.
G: ‘Kay, you and the box both drink POISON! And you survive, but the box has died. Clint: That means it’s open, right? G: Yes, with that the box pops open and it has 900 gold pieces inside. Everyone: Yeah! [cheering]
Travis: I get it. Justin: Damn, that’s a good door! G: No, it’s- [yelling] let me finish describing what happened to the door! I’ve been trying to tell you what happened to the door for like ten minutes!
Travis: I tap it with the Glutton’s Fork and I swallow it. Justin: [muffled wheezing] Griffin: What the fuck!
Griffin: [laugh-crying] You’re gonna turn him into a man tube? [wheezing] You- you’re gonna turn him into a bag or a shelf with the rock sitting on it-
Griffin, loudly: What the fuck?! [audience laughter] Travis: Double damage is- 4 and 3 plus 4 and 1. Griffin: I didn’t give Marvey HP!
Griffin: Is the stapler in here? Anyone want the fucking stapler?
Griffin: Oh, Jesus, you love this shit! [Travis, crosstalk: I’m sorry-] It’s your- You’re a fucking pervert! Fetish- you’re exposing everybody to your fetishes! Travis: I’m so sorry!
Griffin: Uh- it is an uneventful climb to the twentieth floor. And, uh- as- Travis: Floor twenty! Griffin: as- as- What? Justin and Travis: [snickering] Floor twenty! Griffin: [pause] We’re not gonna say anything better than that- Travis: Griffin, we have to fight some weeds at floor twenty. Griffin: We have thirty minutes to go, and we’re not gonna say anything better than that. Did you even think about that?
Justin: I grow bored with this fight. [laughter] Griffin: Okay. [crosstalk] Justin: I’m- I’m casting polymorph on myself- Griffin: Oh, fucking- wow. Justin: Griffin, I’m texting you- [Griffin: oh]because you’re going to need this information. Griffin: Oh my god, Justin. Justin: Yes. [Wonderland music starts] Griffin: Taako’s arms sink into his chest, so that he’s just got, sort of, little arms, and his head gets really big, and really long, [Clint laughs] and his teeth get very sharp, and he grows a tail, and he turns into a tyrannosaurus rex.
Griffin: [yelling] Oh, NO! Are you keeping track of how many times you rolled as well? Clint: [crosstalk] To be honest the educational system in Huntington, West Virginia sucks- Travis: Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Four, four! Twenty-five! Twenty-seven! [overlapped with Justin] Griffin: it’s dead- STOP! Stop! You’re killing him! Travis and Justin: Thirty! Thirty-six! Griffin: Stop! He’s already dead! Travis: One more, one more, one more- [Clint: C’MON!] Travis and Justin: Thirty-seven! [A pause as the audience laughs] Travis: His parents feel it! Griffin: You fucking- you fucking- this turtle’s- this turtle’s parents- Travis: [crosstalk] Is that where the turtle’s brother dies? Griffin: -forget about him. This turtle was a successful turtle author, and the words on his books fucking vanish. [audience laughter] You have erased this turtle from existence.
Travis: But my butt- Griffin: [yelling] Come on, I’m in hell! [crosstalk] I’m dead and in hell now! You opened the door! You built the fucking door! Out of wood! Shitwood! Shame on you and shame on us!
Justin, as Taako: Garfield? Griffin, as Garfield: Yes? Justin: I have something I think is really going to interest you. Griffin: [yelling out of character] OH MY GOD! Justin: This is the Slicer of T’pire Weir Isles [background laughter] and I notice that you have a really cool sword. It’s a Flaming, Poisoning, Raging Sword of Doom, I believe it’s called. Griffin: Oh my god… Justin: And- I’m looking at your entire stock and it does seem to me that’s your most valuable posession, would you say that’s accurate? Griffin: [laughter, as Garfield] Yes, it’s absolutely the most valuable thing in the store!
Griffin: [very tired] I didn’t expect it to go like that. [audience laughter] Um- and- Travis: What did you expect to happen? Griffin: [yelling] For you to catch a fucking fish in my fish mini game! [audiene cheers] Is that so- Am I out of my mind? Is that an unreasonable expectation? To give them a fucking fish mini game- Taako makes the lake float, Travis jumps in with a rapier, like, “let’s get it done!” and Dad makes, the- the fucking shit teleport away! [audience laughter] Clint: Welcome- welcome to The Adventure Zone, Griffin.
Lena finds Karas discarded clothes all over the office. She has no idea where they came from or who they belong to but no one seems to be looking for them. And hey, they’re actually quite nice.
So one night shes bored. A little tired. Maybe a little drunk. And the box of randomly discarded clothing is sitting lonely in the corner of her office.
Ill try one on. Why not, she thinks. Dress up! And who doesn’t like dressing up?
The first shirt fits great. A little slim, but nothing that cant be taken out. Lena goes to button it up and discovers frayed threads instead. Ok. Weird but whatever.
But it happens again. And the next shirt. Who rips off all the buttons to their shirts?? Then the next and Lena, in her frustration, grabs the edges of the dark blue blouse at her chest, one in each hand and pulls, ready to throw it and the entire box from her balcony.
Until the motion of her arms stops her. The act of pulling her arms back. The quick removal. The prominent reveal of whats beneath.
Well shit.
Sexual proximiscuity.
On CatCo property.
Its not a few days later when Lena gathers yet another outfit only to find that it was clearly previously worn by Kara Danvers. The small penguin designs are unmistakable, anything with small animals in a fashionable design is a Kara staple.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Lena mutters as she picks up the pieces with the tips of her fingers. The act of what followed their removal flashes across her mind.
The next week results in even more. And this time Lena is on the look out, keeping detailed notes on Karas outfits, tying each buttonless blouse and sweater combo to the blonde reporter.
And Lena is puzzled beyond belief. With who could it be?? Kara never mentions a significant other, never reveals any sort of fling or closeted lover. Thats not Kara. But she obviously needs to perform some sort of intervention. Its getting out of hand! I mean, thats what friends are for, isnt it?
This is it, Lena thinks. She carries the box of discarded clothing as she walks purposefully down the hallway towards Kara’s desk. Each shirt tailored to perfection, each button carefully replaced, each torn pant leg stitched back up, all stacked neatly in her arms.
Kara looks up as Lena approaches. Shes excited to see Lena, as she always is, wearing a crisp light grey shirt that Lena, sighing as she thinks it, knows she’ll eventually find in a heap in a remote part of the office. But not if she does this correctly. Not if she ends this now.
Lena places the box on Kara’s desk. “I believe these belong to you. Don’t worry, I’ve had them all fixed up, down to every. Last. Button.” Lena emphasizes each word with a small pat to the stack of shirts.
She looks up to see Kara, her face beet red, her mouth fishing for something to say.
“Lena,” Kara finally manages to get out. “I can explain.”
Lena crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow. “I’m sure you can.”
failed2be-chill 