Tag: mental health

restorative things

theunitofcaring:

There are a bunch of people for whom bubble baths, scented candles, and chocolate is self-care. 

There are a bunch of people for whom early-morning yoga, vegetable smoothies, and aggressively minimalist redecorating is self-care.

There are a bunch of people for whom playing with kids is self-care, and a bunch of people for whom dressing up and going to a fancy restaurant where no kids are allowed is self-care, and a bunch of people for whom sleeping in late is self-care and a bunch of people for whom getting up early is self-care. 

Lately I’ve been moving from ‘yeah, humans are vast and varied’ to a sense that there’s a similar underlying thing in all of these cases.

I think something tends to be more restorative – to be an activity that leaves you more energized than you started it, more okay than when you started it – the more of these criteria it meets:

– restorative things are often things you associate with being prioritized, valued and valuable. This is why some people find chores restorative – it hits ‘valued and valuable’f or them – while other people find them draining – their association with doing chores is being incapable or not-good-enough or ordered-around,

– restorative things are usually things that don’t draw on the resources you feel constrained on – if you’re tired from being on your feet all day, running sure won’t do it, and if you’re lonely and isolated then bubble baths probably won’t help. Dong stuff that causes you anxiety won’t often be restorative.

– restorative things tend to fit into your understanding of what a good life for you looks like. early-morning yoga works for people who find it empowering to think of themselves as someone who does early-morning yoga. prayer and attending religious services tends to work for people who are like ‘my best self attends religious services’ and not so well for people ho are like ‘ugh I’m supposed to do that’ or ‘doing that just reminds me how much I disagree with my community about what my best self looks like’

– restorative things are pleasant in their own right. It’s astonishing how often this one gets passed-over. If you do not enjoy something – if the experience of doing it isn’t a good experience – then it’s really unlikely to be restorative. Making yourself do yoga when you find every minute awful will not be restorative. It might sometimes be valuable but it won’t be restorative. (Things that are unpleasant to start, but pleasant and rewarding once you’re doing them, can be restorative).

I think there are a couple takeaways from this framework. One is hopefully to make it easier to identify things that’ll be restorative for you. The second is that people attach a lot of moral valence to which activities other people find restorative – accusing people of being consumerist or selfish or lazy or privileged – and I’m hoping that there might be less of it if people are aware that the things that work for them won’t work for everyone. (Related to that,of course privilege plays a role in which things you experience as making you valued and valuable, and which things you conceive of as being part of your good life. So it’s a terrible idea to try to impose one version of ‘self-care’, like employers signing employees up for exercise programs in the name of self-care; people of a different class background get particularly screwed by this.)

thebibliosphere:

splinteredstar:

thebibliosphere:

One of the things that really gets to me on any of my positivity posts that get vaguely popular, is the sheer number of people deriding it for false optimism and wishy washy sentiment.

Simple statements like “hang in there, it gets better” are met with comments like “does it though, does it really” and things like “yea maybe if you’re neurotypical”, and here’s the thing: yes the fuck it does, and I’m sorry that you can’t see that right now, but please don’t assume that just because I’m not drowning in active nihilism, doesn’t mean I’m not struggling.

I’m not spouting false platitudes. I’m not trying to undermine your depression. What I am doing is trying to circumvent my own depression and suicidal thoughts by not giving them a foothold.

You don’t know this, but my own internal soundtrack is pretty bleak. The words “I want to die” float across my brain pretty often. It’s not even a conscious thought, it’s just there, like background noise in a cacophony of all the other shit that’d tear me apart if I’d let it.

I’m a chronically ill being with mental health issues, a worsening pain disorder and a history of childhood trauma.

So yes, I do understand what you’re feeling in context. I understand the maw of bleakness where life ought to be.

But I also understand that in order to get better you have to challenge it.

I don’t make jokes about suicide. I don’t jokingly say things like “I want to die”, because it is a slippery slope towards validating what my illness wants me to believe. So I take steps, not to avoid it because I cant avoid it, but to adjust my way of thinking.

And I do this, by telling myself out loud over and over, that it gets better. One day at a time, every day I’m still alive is a good day.

And fuck you for trying to take that from me. Hope is a survival mechanism. It keeps us going when there’s nothing else left. And sometimes we have to create our own.

Get help. I’m serious. Get the help you need and deserve, because that desire to convince others the world is dark and awful? It’s not healthy. And it’s not the only way life has to be.

You deserve to get better. Start telling yourself that. Every day for the rest of your life if you have to. And if you can’t tell yourself that right now, I’m here to do it for you.

You deserve better. And I hope one day you’ll see that.

I mean, for me, what’s important is – acknowledging the feelings that I have, not the ones I feel like I’m supposed to have? Like. I grew up in the “if you’re not happy all of the time then you’re disappointing God” area of things. And sometimes the positivity (not yours, joy, but ya know) can feel that way – that you’re letting yourself down. So I’m in pain and now its my own fault for not smiling? And all.

So for me it’s necessary and healthy to say “yes I feel like shit today, yes my brain is full of angry weasels, yes i want to die sometimes.” And for that to not be a moral failing, ya know?

And then I look at the emotion, admit it, and sort of go “that is not a helpful response, so here’s what we’re going to do instead.” I basically pull a nick fury on them – “I acknowledge that my brain has made a decision, but…..”

Idk bibliomum, maybe that’s what you were getting at.

What you’re describing isn’t despair or nihilism, nor is it negative. It’s acknowledging your emotions and working through them.

It’s a profoundly important part of recovery.

What is not part of recovery is stopping short at “I want to die” which is what so many fucking people post on my posts.

Someone this morning literally left the message “cool story OP but I still want to die” Yea? Well guess what, me too. But I acknowledge it’s not a healthy thought and I make steps to work through my shit, instead of attempting to undermine the recovery of others. And tumblr has such a toxic mentality towards recovery. It’s almost like if you dare to get better, you weren’t sick to begin with, and that is adamantly not true.

Recovering from mental health issues is hard, ugly work that requires active participation and regular intervention to keep going. But it is possible, and it’s important to remember that what looks like recovery for some is still illness to others, but you take what you can. I will likely never not be depressed. I will likely always have that part of my brain that wants me to jump. But I can learn to better live with it so it doesn’t win. And live is the key word there.

sweetschizo:

We need to redefine recovery from “becoming neurotypical” to “learning to live a good life with a mental illness” cause in many cases the chase for the first gets in the way of the second.

Recovery doesn’t always mean “doesn’t have a mental illness anymore” – it can also mean:

  • Learning to cope with your symptoms in a healthy and constructive way.
  • Getting the accommodations and support that allows you to live with the impairments of your mental illness.
  • Learning to live a happy, fulfilling life despite your symptoms.
  • Knowing your limits and triggers and adjusting your life accordingly.
  • Learning to take care of your physical, mental and emotional health.
  • Learning to live with symptoms without having them control your life.
  • Finding and sticking to treatments that work for you.
  • Accepting and learning that even though you may not be able to live a “normal” life, you can still have a good life.

Many of us can’t expect the full recovery that we are told to strive towards, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t get better or that we shouldn’t work towards getting better, and it’s important that the language around mental illness and recovery reflects that.

givin-it-my-bestest:

I finished uni!

I haven’t written a post for this studyblr in such a long while. Because frankly real life studying and personal experiences (traumatic, enjoyable or somewhere in between) have meant I’ve not had the time or energy to create posts along the way.

But I just want to commemorate that I have finally finished my university undergraduate degree in history.

I finished exams a few weeks ago, and my dissertation too. But my mental health and academic burnout prevented me from actually having the time and freedom to sit in the feeling of success and pride at my own efforts.

I experienced a lot of bad things, have been at my absolute lowest lows, and thought so little of myself and needed so much professional help and created real emotional support networks. University has been incredibly difficult for me in so many new ways which knocked me for six and at times left me spiralling in heavy episodes of depression, in anxiety attacks that put me in ambulances and in sleepless nights crying and in apathy at everything.

It’s been really tough.

But I have made it through! And signed on to do further study in the form of a masters postgraduate degree. And I want to go even further and get my PhD and I want to become a history lecturer and I have so many hopes and dreams and ambitions for a future. There were times I didn’t believe I had any future. For numerous reasons. Yet I made it to a place where I can now hope for one. I can invest my emotions in anticipating a future that I will enjoy. That is huge! So significant. Something to be so completely proud of myself for.

I am so proud of myself for making it through the things I endured. That my weakest moments were still enough to get me through. That I didn’t have to be some idealised version of myself in order to do what I have done.

Results day is in a few weeks, and I am already a success. I have been so resilient and I will continue to be. I am so proud of myself and all that I have learned in this process.

In many ways I am a completely different person to who I was when I started university. I am so proud of all that growth.

Wherever you are in life now, if you read this please take a moment to think about how proud you are of yourself for getting to where you are now. Congratulate yourself for surviving what you have, whether you’re in the midst or in the clear. You’ve got this far! You can go further!

types of healthy coping skills

sensitivesuggestion:

1. self-soothing

comforting yourself through the 5 senses

Touch: stuffed animals, stress balls, taking a bath, a soft blanket

Hear: music, audio book, guided relaxation

See: snow globe, glitter, calming images, art, anything that pleases you visually 

Taste: tea, mints, gum

Smell: lotion, candles, incense 

2. distraction

removing your focus from the stressor for a period of time

puzzles, art, crafting, reading, movies, gaming, exercise, being social

3. opposite action

doing the opposite of the impulse that aligns with a positive emotion

affirmations, inspiration, lighthearted and encouraging focus

4. emotional awareness

identifying and constructively expressing what you’re feeling

journaling, listing emotions, using a emotional identification chart, drawing, therapy

5. mindfulness

centering and anchoring yourself to the present moment

meditation, guided relaxation, yoga, breathing exercises, candle gazing, going for a walk

6. ask for help

this is important to do when you feel like your coping skills are not enough or they are too negative and detrimental  

therapy is ideal for helping a person create a healthy coping strategy and incorporate it into their life 

*a coping skill is considered healthy if it helps you to deal with stress more positively, does not hinder your progress, and isn’t harmful physically or mentally. A coping skill can become negative when it is used to completely avoid dealing with the stressor. 

shesgotwhatittakes:

shesgotwhatittakes:

While cleaning out my room I found a paper that my therapist gave me some time ago to deal with obsessive and intrusive thoughts. Sorry the paper is a little crinkled and stained, but I figured I’d post it in hopes that it will help someone like it helped me.

Here it is again with text for anyone who can’t see the picture

  • That thought isn’t helpful right now.
  • Now is not the time to think about it. I can think about it later.
  • This is irrational. I’m going to let it go.
  • I won’t argue with an irrational thought.
  • This is not an emergency. I can slow down and think clearly about what I need.
  • This feels threatening and urgent, but it really isn’t.
  • I don’t have to be perfect to be OK.
  • I don’t have to figure out this question. The best thing to do is just drop it.
  • It’s OK to make mistakes.
  • I already know from my past experiences that these fears are irrational.
  • I have to take risks in order to be free. I’m willing to take this risk.
  • It’s OK that I just had that thought/image, and it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t have to pay attention to it.
  • I’m ready to move on now.
  • I can handle being wrong.
  • I don’t have to suffer like this. I deserve to feel comfortable.
  • That’s not my responsibility.
  • That’s not my problem.
  • I’ve done the best I can.
  • It’s good practice to let go of this worry. I want to practice.
Source: shesgotwhatittakes

hella-flawless-amythyst:

procrastinaiting:

librarystudies:

this is for the girls who fight their anxiety to get their dream grades

this is for the girls with depression but are still determinated to kick ass

this is for the girls who feel lonely staying home studying on a friday night

i love you and i am rooting for you

this is for the girls with depression who sometimes can’t kick ass

this is for the girls whose anxiety prevents them from getting their dream grade

I love you and I am still rooting for you

For the girls who have anxiety attacks at work and still get it done

For the girls who feel numb but press on regardless

For the girls who can’t find the light but push forward to find it

I love you and I will forever be rooting for you

You do not walk this path alone

You need only reach out and a hand will find yours

We can carry each other together until we can walk on our feet.