Gay generational differences

I feel like I’m in a weird middle ground between gay generations and there are differences, specifically surrounding the issue of being out, that make it difficult to relate to or even spend time with gays from other generations.

For example, I have a friend in her 70s who came out to herself during her 40s or 50s, but who despite having long term gay relationships since, has never, and never hopes to, come out to her family.

I have friends in their 30s and 40s who are out to their families and happily married to the loves of their lives.

I have friends in their teens who have (thankfully) never had to worry about their coming out, they’ve just been gay and known as such and had chance to live their identities and their truths for as long as they can remember.

I can’t abide the idea of living my life closeted in the same way my older friend has.

I can barely spend an hour with my married gay friends sometimes because of how insanely envious I am of their happiness and how goddamn lonely I am.

I am equally envious of my younger gay friends who I am just so damn happy for and wish with every part of my being that younger me could have lived her truth so easily like they do.

It’s just like, where do I fit in?

I’m not meaning to bash on older and younger LGBTs, it’s just being a lonely lesbian who’s never had a relationship and is in her early 20s feels so isolating. I want to be out to my family, to my grandparents even, but their age and religious beliefs means that is going to be super difficult and painful for me before it becomes something I can enjoy being free in. And I won’t have a partner to support and comfort me during it, nor to ‘prove my gayness’ to those who doubt.

I get other people’s situations are different and I really do not intend to dismiss the struggles of older and younger LGBTs who haven’t fit the same generalised idea that my friends demonstrate. I just want to put my words of loneliness and isolation specifically perceived as due to generational difference into the void on the internet and hopefully share in solidarity and comfort with others in our community.