idk i guess there’s just such an emphasis on nonbinaryism to be performative, like you’ve got to look androgynous with short hair and pink lipstick, skinny enough that if you have boobs, no one can see them. all your clothes have to be gender ambiguous and the way you talk and your hobbies, like…
gender roles and conditioning suck for cis people, but if you identify as agender, or nonbinary, or fluid, you have to encompass all of those cliches and tropes while also being completely indistinguishable from either male or female
i had half a breakdown over the fact my hair was getting too long and it’s a bit more “””feminine””” and i thought i should cut it even though i like the length and i just… why
if you’re nonbinary and you present heavily as male or female, you’re still nonbinary. there’s no such thing as “not trans enough”, “not nb enough”, short of wearing a t-shirt with “i’m not cis” there are no clothes that determine your gender, no hair style, no “”””look””””” and tbh cis members of the lgbt+ community i’m looking at ya’ll to reblog this because you’re the first to call us attention seekers in my experience smh
1) talking with people I care about and trust 💖 I’ve had a lot of forced socialising throughout my life from my Christian upbringing and there’s been an increase of this forced socialising/putting on an act of being a certain type of person in the house I am living in for this year, because we’re playing hosts to different guests each week and it’s an all the time awareness thing which is exhausting, so it’s lovely to have breaks from that to interact with people I actually want to talk with and who don’t come with any pressures or expectations beyond me being myself. It’s such a comfort to have people to retreat to!
2) the fresh flowers I currently have in my F.R.I.E.N.D.S Central Perk travel mug that is acting as a vase – they brighten up my desk so beautifully.
3) recognising how much I have grown and improved in my self awareness and security and esteem and a whole host of understandings about myself and others that I’ve realised in the last three months alone
4) for example, that uncertainty doesn’t scare me nor put me in a panic in ways that it used to. Case in point, I’m waiting to hear back if I have been invited to interview for a museum researcher job that would be highly beneficial for me in both experience and pay, and would literally decide what I’m doing for my entire academic year, and I’m absolutely chill about it. That’s amazing to me, knowing what I used to be like. But I’m legit not stressed at all. If I get an interview great, if I don’t, I will find something else to do and I know my supervisor and my funder from previous research projects would like me to do something more for them so I will do those and benefit from those instead. It’s easy.
5) I feel like these have all been focused inwards so for an outwards thing it makes me really happy hearing/reading people talk about things they are passionate about. I enjoy seeing passion in other people, whether it’s positive energy or negative energy, passion is something I could get high on. If it’s about TV shows or the state of politics or a specific author or an event, or if it’s someone talking to a large audience or if it’s someone speaking only to me, I adore people letting themselves show passion. Showing that things affect them to the point that they have to express that they care otherwise they’d explode, or it excites them so much that it’s the only thing on their mind, is just absolutely wonderful.
Bonus: it’s a very special three year anniversary today and that made me happy ✨
failed2be-chill 